My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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