just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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