How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
