fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
