Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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