chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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