i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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