I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
