I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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