I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
