Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
