on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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