i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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