you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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