my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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