He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
