I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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