bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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