How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
