i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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