im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
