Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
