i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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