I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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