a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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