She said her name was "party"
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
