When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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