hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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