i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
