I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
