I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
