I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
