weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
