i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
