maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
