I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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