Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
