Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
