Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
