As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
