new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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