I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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