Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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