Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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