how can u be prego again
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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