I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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