I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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