there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
