My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
