actually, I'm a sock model
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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