i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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